ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
do herpes really smell.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize