see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
