i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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