He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
