I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
