Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
