with your own penis?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Your penis caused this!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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