It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
