I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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