now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
