Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
