hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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