White coat. Heels.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
