you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
