but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
