i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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