Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
