Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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