is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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