Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
