Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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