Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
