the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
