One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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