i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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