drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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