that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
