ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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