He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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