Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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