Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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