This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize