i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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