took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
