I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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