What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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