whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
