Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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