I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
