So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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