it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
