Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
lol hangovers are for mortals.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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