I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
