considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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