When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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