You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
