well you can't waste a boner
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
