i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize
