Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize