I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
