I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
