Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
