'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize