saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
