Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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