The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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