just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
