Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
