I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
