the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
