He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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