actually, I'm a sock model
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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