i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
