I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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