you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
