He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
