Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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