I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have already put on my inside pants.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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