She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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