i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
