can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
